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Tuesday, July 10, 2007No Sex Tonight,Plz!
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says “I don’t feel
like it, I just want you to hold me.”
I said “WHAT??!! What was that?!”
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…
“You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me
to satisfy your physical needs as a man.” She responded to my puzzled look
by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to
take so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to
compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We
went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond
earrings. Let me tell you…she was so excited. She must have thought I was
one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because
she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play
tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.”
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all
dear, let’s go to the cashier.”
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled
I then said “honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re
just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy
your shopping needs as a woman.” And just when she had this look like she
was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and
not for the things I buy you?”
Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either.
Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught for about a zillion years by Professor Bonk, and his course is semi-affectionately known as "Bonkistry." He has been around forever, so I wouldn't put it past him to come up with something like this. Anyway, one year there were these two guys who were taking Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the midterms and labs, etc., such that going into the final they had a solid A.
These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chem final was on Monday), they decided to go up to UVirginia and party with some friends up there. So they did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, what they did was to find Professor Bonk after the final and explain to him why they missed the final. They told him that they went up to UVa for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a spare and couldn't get help for a long time and so were late getting back to campus. Bonk thought this over and then agreed that they could make up the final on the following day. The two guys were elated and relieved.
So, they studied that night and went in the next day at the time that Bonk had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin. They looked at the first problem, which was something simple about molarity and solutions and was worth 5 points. "Cool" they thought, "this is going to be easy." They did that problem and then turned the page. They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on the next page. It said:
(95 points) Which tire?
A Market town is looking forward to its first peaceful night for more than a year.
Local police hope they have cured a one-boy crime wave which brought mayhem and destruction on a massive scale to Clitheroe, Lancashire.
Officers told a court yesterday that 17-year-old Kyle Ivison was personally responsible for a 40 per cent rise in violent crime in the town, committing more than 120 offences involving drink, drugs and vandalism.
The thug was eventually brought to court after his father reported him to police for smashing up his own home.
After Ivison's movements were severely restricted under the threeyear Asbo, PC Geoff Woodcock, of Lancashire Police, said: "Clitheroe is a lovely place to live with a high quality of life.
"But recently criminal damage has increased significantly and Ivison has been a major contributor, he's clearly a problem for the whole community."
One local shopkeeper added: "He's scum and I'm delighted the courts have treated him with a firm hand. God knows, I'd like to."
Magistrates in Accrington were told Ivison first appeared on police
Information no one really thought about and might not be aware of.
Did you know?
That the tongue of a whale weighs as much as an elephant.
By 2003, the number of people who lived together before marriage was a little over 70% as against 5% in the 1960's.
According to a recent study, people who talk on cell phones while driving are as impaired as drunk drivers, even when they use hands-free devices.
The number of people with diabetes worldwide rose from about 30 million to over 230 million.
The three richest men in the world are worth as much as the 40 most poorest countries of the world.
Over the last eight year, at least 130,000 children have been kidnapped for sale, for sexual or labour exploitation or for the removal of their organs.
During 2005, there occurred 28 full-fledged wars and eleven other minor armed conflicts, worldwide.
According to the wall street journal (USA), up to half of the couples asked admit that they commit "financial infidelity" - lying to their spouse about expenditure they made.
In the United States, half of all adults have gum disease or tooth decay. 3 out of 10 people over 65 have lost all their teeth.
In Spain about 25% of children are born out of wedlock, 43% in France, 45% in Denmark and 55% in Sweden.
About a third of Britons sleep less than 5hrs each night. This makes a person more prone to suffer poor concentration, memory lapses and mood swings. It may also increase the risk of Obesity, Diabetes and depression.
There are over 18,000 pieces of plastic floating on every sq. kilometer of ocean today. (UN Environmental Programme).
The amount of hours spent by US. Workers every year playing computer games on the job amounted to about half a billion. This is a loss of productivity valued at $10 billion. This however excludes time spent surfing the web at work for personal use.
By 2004, every 2 marriages out of 3 weddings failed in Spain.
Children who spend extended periods in front of the T.V are more likely to develop communication problems .